Older adults are pillars of family support
Have you ever taken a moment to consider the important support role played by your parents? Have you talked with them about how much input they would like to have in the upbringing of their grandchildren?
You might be surprised at just how capable those in their 60s or older can be as part of an extended family network.
The so-called nuclear family has been the norm in more developed countries for at least three generations: however, in many parts of the world older people still play a central role in the upbringing of children and support of the family. In a historical context, the nuclear family is a highly unusual phenomenon.
The recent earthquakes in Canterbury revealed just how vulnerable the nuclear family can be and how important it is to give and receive support in the context of an extended family. Many older adults in Canterbury provided significant support to younger family members in the aftermath of the 2010 and 2011 earthquakes. Research into the impacts of the disasters on older adults living in the city identified that many were highly resilient and active in helping family and community to recover. Support provided by those aged 65 years and older included sheltering family members who had lost homes, providing hot meals and washing clothes for those who had lost power, comforting anxious grandchildren, and assisting with cleanup and salvage tasks.
It need not take a crisis, however, for parents to recognise the value of older relatives. With increasing time and financial pressure on the working-age population, there may be everyday opportunities to involve grandparents in childcare, helping with homework, overseeing play in the public environment, engaging children in more traditional and productive leisure activities, or mentoring young ones in craft or trade skills.
While not advocating an overreliance on grandparents or an offloading personal responsibility, it is suggested that we avoid the temptation to see grey hair as a sign of frailty or weakness and instead consider the vulnerability of the nuclear family.
Not all older adults will want to relive their parenting experiences, but you may be surprised at just how capable your parents are of supporting you and your family when the chips are down, when time is short, or when you’re at your wits’ end with an over-exuberant infant or non-communicative teenager.
Modern parenting may seem worlds apart from the experience of previous generations, but the act of successfully rearing children to adulthood has commonalities that echo through the ages. So, before you buy the next in-vogue parenting book, discuss the challenges you are facing with your parents. After all, they probably experienced similar issues when raising you.
If you haven’t already, talk seriously with your parents about the role they would like to play in your family – you might be surprised at their response.
By Michael Annear, Health Care of the Elderly Research Group, University of Otago
