Know thy neighbour

In these days of rushing around from school to work, after school activities and home again, many of us don’t notice when our neighbours are under stress and need some help.

We all like to keep to ourselves and value our privacy. Yet, when we hear in the news of another tragic case of a child who has been abused, beaten or killed at the hands of someone who is supposed to be caring for them, people often say someone should have done something.

Sally Christie from Jigsaw, a national network of social services providers who work to stop child abuse, neglect, and family violence, believes that we can all act to prevent family violence and defuse stressful situations. Building solid relationships with neighbours and friends is vital, she says, but we have to be willing to offer help to our family, friends and neighbours, and receive support in return.

“I think we’ve grown out of the habit of popping in to see how someone’s doing, or offering some help. We are the poorer for it because it becomes that much harder when help really is needed.”

So what are the signs of someone under stress?

There could be an increased level of yelling or shouting becoming more regular. People under stress start staying inside more and their curtains might be pulled closed. They might stop saying hello in the street, rush past or avert their eyes when they see you. Children might be left unsupervised out and about for a long time.

“If you’re worried, share your concerns with a friend or another neighbour so you’re not by yourself,” says Christie. “It’s quite strong in us to remain private and believe that it’s not our business, but we should all be putting children and their wellbeing first.”

Of course, it’s very hard to help people if you don’t know them in the first place. One way to help is offering everyday support in a non-threatening way, before it’s needed.

That could be as simple as offering to do some shopping for an ill neighbour, or a mother with a young baby. It might be babysitting a friend’s children, transporting your neighbour’s children to or from school, or offering to take them to the park with your children. 

Helping to pack groceries for a mother who is dealing with a screaming toddler is another useful way to help calm a stressful situation in a supermarket.

Christie suggests people commit to getting to know their neighbours and learn the names of children in their street.

“Never underestimate how powerful one small act of kindness can be for our children and those who care for them.  If we all did one extra thing in our own families and our communities then things would change.”

By Leigh-Anne Wiig, www.jigsaw.org.nz, www.areyouok.org.nz.