Home > 2010 > March

Handy websites for holiday entertainment

By using the Internet you can find out about entertainment and activities in your community. This is especially helpful for families with school-aged children who are soon to be on holiday.

Directories
www.babywebnz.org is a directory for New Zealand parents allowing them easy access to websites related to pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. To find information about entertainment on BabyWebNZ click on Baby Friendly NZ. This will give you a list of pregnancy health practices, educational and exercise classes, baby-friendly cafes, parents’ rooms, childcare and entertainment throughout New Zealand.

http://www.community.net.nz Community Net Aotearoa provides access to relevant, quality information in the community sector. Access child and youth via links and find groups such as Boys Brigade in New Zealand, Kids 4 Drama, Outward Bound etc.

http://www.nzsearch.co.nz/ NZSearch is a great directory that is designed to provide the most useful searchable directory of websites maintained by New Zealand organisations and New Zealanders.

Go into kids’ stuff and you will find links. You can also use NZSearch to go into city and regional councils, or see http://www.localcouncils.govt.nz to find out about places to visit in a region or local area. You can also use the services of visitor information centres. Local and regional councils generally run these. You can find all sorts of helpful tourist information including places to stay, camp sites, information on beaches and ski fields, entertainment and events.

http://www.familyservices.govt.nz/directory/index.jsp The National Directory lists programmes, services and resources for families available throughout New Zealand. The National Directory is a service provided by Family and Community Services, part of the Ministry of Social Development.

On the directory search, type in your location, then on service type parent/caregiver, then on keyword “children” is a good one to start a search with.

http://www.library.org.nz This site will connect you to all New Zealand public libraries that have websites. Most of them have a kids’ section on what is happening for children and teens at the library.

Most libraries run a story time session where children can listen to stories, rhymes and songs. These sessions are aimed at two to four- year-olds but younger children can also attend. Ring your local library to find out more.
You may consider taking your child to swimming classes over the holidays. Check out the yellow pages for swimming classes in your area
http://yellow.co.nz/browse/popular/swimming/.

www.toylibrary.co.nz A toy library welcomes children, their families and caregivers to come and borrow well-designed toys, games, puzzles and equipment, which are made available at minimal cost.

Toy libraries operate along similar lines to public libraries. Members borrow toys for a fixed time period. Fees vary from library to library. Toy libraries cater mainly for pre-school children and generally have a limit on the number of toys that can be borrowed at each visit. Email: .zn.o1328347447c.yra1328347447rbily1328347447ot@ec1328347447iffo1328347447

By Helen Pulford (midwife and childbirth educator) owner of:
www.babywebnz.org
Directory for pregnancy, childbirth and parenting web sites.
www.birthresources.org
Childbirth education resources.

Preparing your child for a new sibling

A new baby arriving in the family brings big changes for everyone, particularly for your other child.

The birth of a new baby is one of the most stressful times in a young child’s life, especially if the child is two or under (a toddler). As your toddler has not yet formed a strong inner sense of security and as there is always less of your time available when a new baby arrives, your toddler can feel less loved.
If you can keep your relationship with your toddler going well at this time it will make his life and your life easier. It will also help to build his self-esteem and confidence.

What parents can do

When there are behaviour problems with preschool children it is always worth thinking about whether there is, or is about to be, a new baby in the family. Children will often misbehave to get your attention and don’t know how to tell you they feel left out.

Before the baby arrives

• Don’t tell a very young child too soon about the new baby. It is exciting for you, but your child will not have a very clear understanding of what is to happen. Toddlers don’t have an understanding of time and how long an hour, a week or a month really is. In a toddler’s life, six months or so is a very long time to be waiting for something to happen. It may be a third of her lifetime, so for an adult it would be like waiting over ten years!

• Tell your child later in the pregnancy when she can see what is happening. You can then involve her in visits to the doctor and helping to plan for the baby.

• She might like to help choose baby clothes, for example. Only ask for her help when you are willing to let her have a real choice. You could give her a choice between two baby outfits that you like, or between baby baths of two colours that you would be willing to buy.

• Some toddlers, both boys and girls, enjoy having a doll as their “baby” and making the same sort of preparations as you do for the real baby.

• Don’t change your toddler from a cot to a bed too close to the birth. She may think you are taking her cot for the baby. If you are going to make bed or bedroom changes do it a long time before the baby is born. Then the toddler will see it as something special for her, rather than for the baby.

• Don’t try to toilet train your toddler around the time of the birth unless your toddler makes it very clear that she wants to use the toilet or potty. Learning to use the toilet is a big task for a young child. It is never helpful to have in your mind that you want to have your toddler using the toilet before the birth of the baby. The feeling of pressure that comes from you having a date in your mind is likely to set your child back rather than help. Plan ahead for mother’s stay in hospital as well. Your toddler will manage best if she can stay in her own home with the people she knows well. This is likely to be her father, a grandparent or a very close friend or relative.

When mother is in hospital

• Your toddler will be helped if he can have as much contact with his mother as possible. Even if he cries when he has to leave it is better for him to know where his mother is and to see her. It is also helpful if you can make him feel special during visits and for his mother not to be holding or feeding the baby but able to spend time with him.

• Many toddlers are helped by having a postcard from their mother arrive in the post. Some also get comfort from minding something for their mother while she is away, for example the car keys.

• Let your toddler have a photo of his mother to keep.

• Sometimes a present from the baby to big brother or sister helps. Your toddler might also like to choose a gift for the baby.

When the new baby comes home

• Expect some change to your toddler’s behaviour no matter how well prepared he has been. When the reality hits it can take some time to get used to, especially if the baby seems to be getting better treatment!

• Your toddler may go back to younger behaviour for a while, e.g. want a bottle, want you to dress him, or go backwards in his toilet training. Letting your toddler act younger for a while, without getting cross, will help him to feel better more quickly.

• You may find some misbehaviour or other signs of stress such as tantrums, especially when you are feeding your baby. Toddlers need to know that you understand these feelings. For example you could say, “I know you feel cross when I am feeding the baby and you want to play. I would like to play with you too. I love playing with you. Can you find a book and we will read it together?”

• Arrange special activities for your toddler that you keep for when you feed the baby, e.g. a doll that he can feed, a special video to watch, or tell him a story about what you did with him when he was a baby or read to him.

• Show your toddler how to touch the baby gently, but always be there to make sure the baby is safe.

• Make a special time for your toddler every day, no matter how small. Spend time with your toddler and get someone else to mind the baby sometimes. Show your toddler that you enjoy being with him.

By Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service, www.parenting.sa.gov.au.

Boosting your child’s imagination

“What would you like to be when you grow up?”

Ask your children this simple question and you will be surprised at the barrage of strange ideas and suggestions.

Answers may range from becoming a pilot, superman, astronaut or musician to a teacher, doctor or film star. You may not just hear their brilliant ideas either; they may well act out their favourite career path as a way of illustrating their idea.

How do they come up with these ideas? How do children develop that ability to perceive and picture things that may or may not happen in the future? Imagination.

Imagination is an important personal ability, attribute or character that has a tremendous influence on the way children think and achieve things and goals in life. The greatest of all discoveries and inventions of the past have been the direct result of curiosity, imagination and creativity.

The word imagination is derived from the Latin word imago, which means an image or a picture. Imagination is the ability to process comprehendible mental images, pictures or ideas.

Imagination allows children an unlimited freedom to work on their ideas and interests. It helps them to probe and explore the world around them and create an orderly idea or meaning for their future life. Just as no two children are equally intelligent and smart, no two children are equally imaginative and creative. You can boost your child’s imagination and creativity with these ideas though:

• Children love to play kitchen and cooking. Teach your children how to cook and manage daily routines at the kitchen.

• Provide hand puppets and pretend toys that help your children to tell stories and get active in role-playing.

• Surround your children with lots of colour.

• Help your children read good books. You can read bedtime stories to your children as well.

• Dollhouses are excellent play sets that help children mimic real life events and develop a sense of team play.

• Learning a musical instrument such as guitar, drums, flute or piano develops your child’s intellect and creativity.

• Mechanical and engineering play sets and toolkits help children to learn cognitive skills and imagination.

• Stacking and arranging blocks is great for small children. These toys empower children to learn and master cognitive and motor skills.

Benefits of imagination and creativity:

• With a bit of imagination your children can problem solve by thinking and acting through imaginary and real situations.

• Imaginative children tend to come up with creative solutions.

• Your child’s imaginative play may lead to many other forms of learning that are essential to their success.

• Imagination empowers you children to express negative and positive emotions. This will help them to develop a semblance of balance in life.

• Imagination allows children to retain a sense of control and purpose over their own lives.

By Andrew Loh, reprinted courtesy of www.brainy-child.com.

Encouraging a healthy body image

It seems like just yesterday that you had to coax your daughter to bathe.

But then she turned 11 and started spending hours in the bathroom and sizing herself up in every mirror she passes. She seems consumed by her looks. What happened? And is it healthy?

As they approach the teen years, it’s common and natural for kids to become more interested in appearances — their own and others’ — seemingly all of a sudden. Their bodies are going through some big changes and as preteens change physically they become more aware of how they look.

Growing and puberty affect more than a preteen’s outward appearance — body image is affected, too. Having a healthy body image means that most of your feelings, ideas, and opinions about your body and appearance are positive. It means accepting and appreciating your body and feeling mostly satisfied with your appearance.

Developing a healthy body image happens over time. It can be influenced by experiences and shaped by the opinions and feedback of others and by cultural messages.

To read the full article, visit www.kidshealth.org.

The 5 Bs of successful parenting

I hear the questions again and again: "How do I get my child to…

…quit whining?"
…do their homework?"
…clean their room?"
…do the dishes?"

And I hear all kinds of answers for each situation.

Here is my proposal, rather than handle each situation as an isolated event, let’s look at them in light of what we know about human behaviour.

Events that appear to be random, isolated behaviours actually fit into predictable patterns for most children. If you understand the patterns, you’ll know what to do in most situations. I’ve developed the five B’s to reduce these patterns to five easy to remember and apply principles.

1. Be positive
People – including children – do things for one of two reasons: to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure. As a parent, you constantly work between these two options. If you use lots of negatives – like punishments – to drive behaviour, your child will do just enough to avoid the pain. Rewarding good behaviours rather than punishing bad ones, improves the chance that you’ll get cooperation and not conflict from your child.

Noticing unacceptable behaviours and stopping them with a punishment is easy. It takes effort to recognise good behaviours and praise them. You’ll need to do both; but the more you recognise the good, the less likely you are to see the bad.

2. Be specific
Make sure you speak to your child about specific behaviours.

Let’s say your child interrupts you. Many people get angry and tell their children to "stop being rude and inconsiderate." Well, "rude" and "inconsiderate" are interpretations of behaviour, not behaviours. A better statement would be, "I don’t appreciate it when you interrupt and challenge me. I see those behaviours as rude and inconsiderate. The next time you speak to me, I expect you to wait your turn to speak."

Here are some examples:
• Good girl (or boy), bad girl (or boy), rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, arrogant, obnoxious, flighty, unfocused, smart aleck, and pushy are interpretations.

• Interrupting, rolling eyes, speaking loudly (or softly), shrugging shoulders, looking away, walking away, tone of voice, and slamming the door are specific behaviours.

3. Be certain

People act based on what they expect to happen to them in the future. Whether it’s avoiding pain or pursuing pleasure, it’s still about expectations. Your child needs to know – without a doubt – what to expect from you based on their actions.

We use pre-defined family rules and behavioural expectations as a tool to improve certainty. Children need to know the rules. They need to know what to expect when they follow the rules – and when they don’t.

We put a list of five family rules and a list of both acceptable and unacceptable behaviours on our refrigerator. We never have to discuss what is or is not appropriate in our household. We defined it together and wrote it down. As parents, we then enforce the pre-agreed upon rules.

4. Be consistent

Consistency works in close partnership with certainty. It is certainty’s twin in the daily struggle to raise happy, healthy, respectful, well-behaved kids. Your children will never develop a sense of certainty if you don’t consistently apply your household rules.

For example, if whining and complaining are inappropriate today, they had better be inappropriate tomorrow. If you give in to the behaviour to get them to stop whining, you just taught them that whining is okay.

5. Be Immediate

Act now. When your children do something worthy of praise – do it now. When your children do something that needs correction – do it now. Delayed consequences have very little impact on behaviour.

Let’s look at our adult behaviours to illustrate the point. I like cheesecake. Eating cheesecake offers me both immediate and future consequences. The future consequence is negative – I could develop a weight or blood pressure problem. The immediate consequence is positive – it tastes good and gives me pleasure. When I have the opportunity to get cheesecake, I find it difficult to resist. Why? The immediate, certain positive tends to overshadow the future, possible negative.

The definition of immediate can change depending on your child’s age. For example, your 10-year-old might respond to a disciplinary action that happens 15 minutes after the event. With a four-year-old, you had better correct the behaviour on the spot because 15 minutes is a virtual eternity.

By Guy Harris, reprinted courtesy of www.brainy-child.com.

What it means to be a dad; part two

Dads have some unique parenting challenges in today’s society. Last issue we gave some practical tips on being a dad, and this issue we look more at family relationships and how they affect fathering.

Dads in nuclear families

Being a dad in a nuclear family means making sure that your relationship with your partner/spouse is working well. One of the things that will help your children most is for their parents to get on well together. Children usually love both parents and it hurts them to see parents fighting or putting each other down. This does not teach them how to make good relationships with others as they get older.

What you can do

· Make regular time to be together as a couple without the children.

· Discuss your feelings right from the start. When you have your first baby your relationship with your partner will bring big changes. She may feel tired and sometimes overwhelmed by coping with body changes and with new responsibilities. You may feel left out or even jealous. Set a pattern of working things out together for the sake of your new family.

· Talk to your partner about how it is for you as well. For example, many men feel a great responsibility to look after the family especially if there is a new baby and the wife’s income has suddenly stopped. This can be a worry. Talk it over with your partner. Listen to her feelings as well.

· Talk about what you each expect of yourself and your partner in looking after the children.

· Work out how you will share things like:

- getting up at night

- bathing and feeding

- arranging a babysitter when you go out

- taking the children to school and activities

- managing discipline

- arranging some free time for each of you

- taking time off work when the children are sick (find out what your work offers in parenting leave for fathers).

· Try to sort out any relationship problems away from the children.

· Treat your children’s mother (and all women) with respect so that your daughters will grow up knowing that it is good to be a woman and your sons will know how to treat their future partners.

· If you don’t agree with the way their mother handles something discuss it with her in private. If you still can’t agree remember – children can learn to cope with parents being different. What they can’t cope with is parents putting each other down.

By Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service, www.parenting.sa.gov.au

Part three – next issue Family Times has some great tips for single dads.

Kick-start your morning

A healthy breakfast is fantastic fuel for kids, teenagers, and adults on the go.
It improves memory and concentration, gets your metabolism going for the day, and is great for the waistline.

Research shows that children who eat breakfast are more alert and do better in school.
Breakfast eaters are also less likely to over eat later in the day when snacks often end up being high in fat or sugar.

If you or your children are not regular breakfast eaters, here are a few tips to help you get into the habit:

• Prepare breakfast the night before, or have some “grab and go” items stocked in the cupboard/fridge.

• If you are not a morning person, start small with breakfast, e.g. a piece of toast, a pottle of yoghurt or a banana, and build it up.

• Eat as early as you can.

• Eating less and earlier in the evening will help you feel hungrier the next morning.

• Give your body time to get used to breakfast.

Balance your breakfast with a combination of wholegrain breads/cereals, fruits and vegetables and low-fat protein/dairy for an ideal healthy start to the day.

For some ideas to kick-start your morning from Canterbury District Health Board Healthy Eating Healthy Action, check out the latest version of Family Times.

Mums and dads wanted for free Positive Parenting Programme

New Zealand parents are invited to take part in a free research trial of an internationally successful positive parenting programme.

The Triple P Research Group at The University of Auckland’s Faculty of Education is recruiting 180 parents to complete either an internet-based or workbook-based Positive Parenting Programme. New Zealand is the first in the world to trial the internet-based version of Triple P. Feedback from parents will be used to evaluate its effectiveness against the traditional workbook-based version said research fellow Dr Cassy Dittman.

“We are looking for parents who have a three-to-eight-year-old child who is displaying moderate behavioural problems, such as tantrums, aggression, conflict with siblings or disruptive behaviour.
“This is an opportunity for parents to learn strategies that we know will reduce child behaviour problems and will increase their confidence as a parent, in the privacy of their own home and with complete confidentiality.

“Our feedback suggests parents want support programmes that can be accessed via the web, so we are excited to be delivering our programme for the first time in this format. Using the internet has allowed us to provide much richer and engaging content with the use of podcasts, videos, text reminders and interactive elements.”

Parents will complete 10 30-minute modules on how to effectively deal with misbehaviour and how to foster positive parent-child relationships. They will also complete three one-hour questionnaires at various points throughout the programme and will be given a 15-minute phone consultation with a researcher to identify their own personal parenting goals. The strategies are based on 30 years of research by the Triple P Positive Parenting Programme, and have previously helped thousands of parents in Australia.

The Triple P Research Group was established at the Faculty of Education in 2008 under the direction of adjunct professor Matt Sanders, who is also the Parenting and Family Support Centre director at the University of Queensland. The study’s results will be used to refine the web-based support programme before it is made available more widely to schools, health professionals and organisations.

Parents will be randomly allocated in equal numbers to either the internet-based or workbook-based programme. Parents must have a broadband connection at home to enter the study.

To volunteer contact the research team on +64 9 623 8899 ext. 48778 or email .zn.c1328347447a.dna1328347447lkcua1328347447@grpt1328347447
For more information on Triple P visit www.triplep.net.

Handling homework

Kids are more successful in school when parents take an active interest in homework — it shows kids that what they do is important.

Helping with homework can have many benefits for kids. And who knows? Parents might even learn a thing or two.

How to help
Get to know the teachers. Attend school events, such as parent-teacher conferences, to meet your child’s teachers. Ask about their homework policies and how you should be involved.

Set up a homework-friendly area. Make sure kids have a well-lit place to complete homework. Keep supplies — paper, pencils, glue, scissors — within reach.

Schedule a regular study time. Some kids work best in the afternoon, following a snack and play period; others may prefer to wait until after dinner.

Keep the distractions to a minimum. This means no TV, loud music, or phone calls. Occasionally though, a phone call to a classmate about an assignment could prove helpful.

To access the rest of this article, please visit www.kidshealth.org or pick up the print edition of Family Times.

School junk food scrapped or healthy food canned?

One year on from the removal of a National Administration Guideline clause stating that schools can only make healthy options available on their premises, the Science Media Centre looks at what is really going on at school canteens.

The Science Media Centre approached a number of organisations and health experts and asked their views about the foods currently provided to children in schools.

What sort of food is currently available in schools and is it all healthy?

Dr Jennifer Utter from the University of Auckland

"Surveys of school canteens generally find that energy-dense and nutrient-poor foods like
pies, sausage rolls, chips and crisps, cakes and donuts, and sweet drinks are common in school canteens. Fewer than half of all schools have fruit on the menu and if healthier options are available, they are more expensive.

"More than 50 per cent of children and 60% of adolescents buy food from the school canteen. Making healthy food choices at school given these options is nearly impossible."

Bronwen King, Christchurch public health nutritionist, in conjunction with the Schools and Fruit in Schools teams in Christchurch

"The schools that have maintained the changes they made as a result of National Administration Guideline (NAG) 5 and those using the food and beverage classification system as their guide have healthy food services. Those that did not make changes, or have reverted back to old habits as a result of NAG 5 section 3 being repealed, are selling food that is not looking after the health and wellbeing of the children e.g. pies, crisps, sausage rolls and cream buns.”

Ruth Crawford, New Zealand Nurses Organisation (Nurses for Children and Young People Aotearoa section)

"There is a wide variety of food available, but after the removal of the legislation around healthy food in schools we have noticed a significant increase in high sugar and high fat foods available in some canteens.

"Foods available in schools vary per school. Some schools that are on the journey of Health Promoting Schools (HPS) programme make changes and are more proactive in the choices of foods offered at school as are the Fruit in Schools (FIS) schools. Unfortunately I think this is because of the programme on offer more than a lifestyle change in some instances. But with the right principal, staff and community buy-in they are successfully keeping healthy food choices in the forefront.

On the other hand, some schools still maintain options such as pastry and pies as well as the odd healthy option. Often these canteens are privately contracted/run and have some direction from the school but not as much as the school-owned ones where the school can have strong input into the menu."

Jenny Stewart, The Heart Foundation national programme manager for schools and early childhood

"New Zealand schools offer a range of food to our children, with healthy options such as wraps and sushi to unhealthy options such as pies and confectionary."

Sarah Hanrahan, New Zealand Nutrition Foundation registered dietitian
"The range of food on offer in New Zealand schools varies dramatically. With the removal of the National Administration Guidelines clause requiring schools to sell only healthy food early in 2009, some schools opted to stay with offering only healthy choices while anecdotal evidence suggests many others reverted to their previous menu. New Zealand studies carried out prior to the implementation of the National Administration Guideline showed the most commonly available foods in schools at this time were pies, juice and sausage rolls, all foods to be enjoyed as a treat but not foods to form the daily basis of school lunch."

For further information visit www.sciencemediacentre.co.nz.