20 Top Christmas Websites

If you’re planning a car journey these holidays then you’ve got the perfect opportunity to improve your children’s mathematics, according to NumberWorks’ Dunedin manager Jan Savell.

Parents are very knowledgeable about encouraging a child to read, says Jan, but they are often unsure of what they can do to help with maths. The key is to keep it light, follow the child’s lead and make it fun.

"Car rides are an ideal time to practice mental arithmetic, and games during holiday car-rides can often be a life-saver for parents.”

Spot a Mini
One game played enthusiastically by the Savell family is Spot a Mini. You get five points each time you spot a mini while travelling in your car. Points are accrued over any journey, but start afresh once you’ve achieved your destination.

The children have developed a complete hierarchy of points; a Beetle is worth 10 points, a Morris Minor is 15 points, and a Jaguar is a whopping 50 points. Of course each has to be accompanied by the correct vocabulary: mini toot-toot, beetle-brom-brom, morris minor-putt-putt and jaguar cat-meow-meow.

The sighting has to be confirmed by another person in the car, and incorrect or unconfirmed sightings mean you have to deduct that number of points off your score.

Car Cricket
If you’re travelling long distance off the city streets, you might like to try car cricket. One person is in until they get either run out (by being passed by another car) or caught out (by someone seeing a Ford) or bowled (if a motorcycle is seen).

While that person is in they score a single run each time they see a car, two runs if they see a four-wheel-drive, a boundary if they see a truck and a six for any vehicle carrying livestock.
Possible variations on car cricket are endless, and if the children are young you can use colours rather than makes of car. It is usually played as two teams, so there individual players who may be a bit weaker with their maths are supported by stronger team members.

Partners as well as parents

As parents, we’re often short of time and energy, and sometimes that means we neglect each other. But a strong relationship is good for us and our family. 

These are some things we can both do to make our relationship strong:

•    We’ll treat each other in a way that shows we like each other.

•    We’ll share the credit when things go well – and call it a mistake when they don’t.

•    Making decisions together is important – both of our opinions count.

•    We will talk to each other honestly about what we’re thinking and how we feel.

•    We’ll listen to each other.

•    When we argue we’ll stick to the issue and not put each other down.

•    Saying sorry is important if we say or do something that hurts. 
•    Sometimes understanding the other person’s point of view is more important than winning.

•    If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.

•    We’ll tell each other the things we like about each other – it’s too easy to take the good things for granted.

•    We’ll make time for each other so that we can do things together – talk, laugh, relax, and enjoy each others company.

A strong relationship is good for the whole family

It’s good both for you and for your kids. It improves your health and happiness. It helps you to support each other’s parenting and to provide consistency for your kids. Your kids learn what a loving relationship looks like by watching you.
These tips are reminders of things you can do to help keep your relationship strong.

Kids change your relationship:
•    Looking after your relationship and keeping it satisfying once you have kids is a big challenge.

•    It’s important to take care of your relationship so you feel close to each other.

•    Goodwill between the two of you helps you to be better parents and partners.

Appreciating your partner:
•    When your partner does something you like, tell them. It will help them feel appreciated and encouraged.

•    When your partner does something that upsets you, remember they may not have meant to.

How you talk and act when you disagree makes a difference:
•    When you disagree, be polite and focus on the issue rather than the person.

•    Remember you’re on the same team – your relationship shouldn’t feel like a war zone.
•    Kids often find it scary when their parents argue, so if you keep it calm and constructive it helps the kids cope.
•    It’s also important for kids to see that you have made up.

•    Kids learn useful ways of dealing with conflict by watching you.

Make time for each other:
•    Talking together is important – make it a priority.

•    Laughter can take the heat out of a tense situation.

•    Make time to have fun together, both as a couple and as a family.

Seeking and accepting support:
•    Parenting can be tough – there are times when you need support.

•    As well as friends and family, you can turn to people in your community you already know such as your doctor, Plunket nurse, teachers, minister etc.

•    Free counselling is available for couples around relationship issues.  Contact Relationship Services Whakawhanaungatanga for more details.

By Relationship Services Whakawhanaungatanga

Your pre-teen’s high-tech world

Erik Hoffer once said "In times of radical change the learners inherit the earth while the learned find themselves perfectly equipped for a world that no longer exists."

Everything we know about our world is likely to become irrelevant tomorrow. We are living in the age of the revolution, and this only became possible with the invention of the internet.

It’s important to understand the monumental shift the invention of the internet has brought upon us as a human race. Take a look back at history and the paradigm shifts that occurred from the agriculture age to the industrial age, to the information age we entered into when the microchip was invented, to the global age that commenced with the invention of the internet in 1990.

Today’s pre-teens are the living example of the change that has come upon us – they are the generation that has grown up in the global age – a world that seems to be changing at an ever-increasing rate.

Most people resist the change. But for today’s pre-teens, change has become the norm. In fact, life changes so fast that they often don’t have time to plan or prepare – they have to ride with it.

The sheer speed of change is why some parents are getting left behind. They are used to change taking time to happen. Over the past five years, young people in New Zealand have had a Bebo, Myspace and Facebook profile. They’ve embraced the fast changes in trends, as opposed to adults – many who are only just getting on the Facebook bandwagon now.

The speed of information available at pre-teens’ finger tips means they are dealing with a different world than what their parents grew up in.

In this world they communicate differently. Accessibility and time are different. There are more opportunities. It can also mean your pre-teen hates to wait for anything – they’re impatient because they’re so used to an instant exchange of information. They have six different conversations with their friends through TXT at the same time, and get irritated when a computer takes longer than a minute to load.

Because of the speed, one piece of news can circulate around the entire world in a matter of minutes. Information is power, and this power can make or break someone’s life. Do you remember the situation with the Christchurch principal? Or the teen party that overflowed with guests because everyone forwarded the same TXT to their friends?

And as for the opportunities, as an example, the closest I could get to talking to someone on the other side of the world when I was 10 was having a pen pal in China. Back then we wrote letters to each other. How prehistoric that now seems, compared to how quickly we can chat on Skype – and now we can see each other, as if we were in the same room!

In this fast-changing world, parents have a new role to play. Every kind of information, and a plethora of opportunities, are available to young people. But they desperately need parents’ guidance in order to know what to apply, how to apply it, and what to leave. They can Google facts quicker than a heartbeat but what they do with them, how they interpret them, and how they make their own judgement from them, can best be learned from a parent. This is something that will be more valuable than gold for them when they eventually step up to take the world into its next paradigm shift.

So if you feel irrelevant in your pre-teen’s high-tech world, just remember – they need you more than they ever have. Of course it doesn’t hurt to up-skill and learn about their vast sources of information, but most of all they need your guidance.

By Eva-Maria
Eva-Maria is a 20 year old family coach, international speaker, TV personality and author of the bestselling parenting book You Shut Up!.

Handling peer pressure

“There’s one advantage to being 102. There’s no peer pressure.” Dennis Wolfberg

For the rest of us though – and particularly kids – peer pressure can be one of life’s biggest challenges.

We would all like to think that in any given situation we would do or say the right thing, not just what the crowd does. But standing up to the crowd isn’t easy, especially for kids.

You can’t save your child from experiencing peer pressure, but you can help them by preparing them in advance. Here are a few role play suggestions to get your child thinking about how they would they would like to respond in situations of peer pressure.

Scenario one – handling bullies
Suggest to your child that a boy in their class, Sam, has flunked his math test. A bully in the class happens to see Sam’s grade, and tells the whole class that Sam is “dumb” and is a failure. Lots of kids laugh, but Sam just hangs his head and stares at his desk. Ask your child how they think Sam feels. What would they like to say to Sam? What would they like to do?

Scenario two – handling gossip
Ask your daughter to think about a group of her friends at school. Imagine that they all act friendly to another friend of hers, Gina, but behind Gina’s back they make fun of her clothes, her hair, and her weight. Gina is your daughter’s friend – but will she talk badly about Gina, just to fit in? Why or why not? How does your daughter think Gina would feel if she knew that she had been made fun of?
If you daughter wants to be proud of her own behaviour, and feel good about herself, what will she say and do?

Scenario three – doing the right thing
Suggest to your child that their friend Alex is drawing pictures on the wall outside of the school. Nobody sees him except your child. He hands your child the marker – will they take it? Why or why not? If Alex doesn’t stop acting out, will your child keep him as a friend? What would they say to help Alex? Would their words help them feel good about themselves too?

When it comes to peer pressure, being forewarned is being forearmed. It’s tough to make the right decisions in the heat of the moment, but these role playing exercises can help your child to be prepared.

Back to basics

Too busy to get everything you want done? Feel like you spend your days rushing from one activity to another? Want to simplify your life but not sure where to begin?

Christchurch-based parenting specialist Karyn Riley highlights how to get back to basics and simply enjoy life as a parent.

As life seems increasingly busy, with quality family time and finances sometimes stretched to breaking point, parents can find themselves feeling like they are on a treadmill day in, day out. Unrealistic expectations of “doing it all” often lead to increased pressure on individuals and families. It can be hard to know how to break the cycle and regain a sense of control in your life.

Simplify
Take a back-to-basics approach – aim to keep things simple, achievable and realistic. This relieves stress, pressure and feeling overwhelmed, and supports a well-balanced life. Children and adults value time to play, imagine and be themselves, without structured activities everyday.

Avoid comparisons to other parents who appear to have and do it all. There is no such thing as the “perfect” parent. Do what works for you and your family.

Go easy on yourself, taking one day at a time. Try to avoid any additional or unnecessary commitments during challenging or stressful times. Have an “at home” or “down” day if you’ve had a busy week, sleepless nights or are finding it difficult to cope.

Prioritise
Multi-tasking is a myth. Reduce your to do list by prioritising daily, focusing on and completing one thing at a time. Anything else you achieve is a bonus. Identify your priorities by asking: “What is the single most important thing I must do today?” This alleviates feeling overwhelmed, out of control and under pressure to get everything done.

Boundaries
Ensure you have strong, healthy and consistent boundaries in place. Clarify your personal and family values: what’s important to you, what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Don’t be influenced, roped-in or pressured by other people – learn to say no without guilt or explanation.

Support systems
Don’t try to be “super-mum” – this will only result in guilt, stress, resentment and burnout. Establish a strong support network of family and friends. Learn to ask for and accept assistance or delegate to friends and family members where possible. Talk with a friend, family member or trained professional – it can be a relief to know you are not alone.

If you don’t have friends or family to turn to, get to know other parents in your neighbourhood with similar aged children – you will probably find they are happy to help out. You may be able to return the favour or provide one another with ongoing support or childcare assistance.

Use time-saving ideas and technology, such as online, bulk or late night shopping, and consider employing additional support, such as a cleaner, gardener or babysitter.

Remain calm
Rushing around leading a hectic, busy, stressful life often results in chaos, feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope. If you’re stressed-out, exhausted, angry or frustrated, it’s important to try to remain calm and in-control.

Practise slow, deep breathing or use similar relaxation techniques and coping mechanisms, or take some time out to unwind. Keeping a clear head, speaking calmly or using distraction can help overcome a difficult situation.

As a busy parent, juggling various roles and responsibilities, taking a back to basics approach and simplifying your life allows you to have more time and energy, focus on what’s truly important to you and have a sense of calm and control in your life.

Karyn Riley helps stay-at-home and working mums have time for their priorities, rediscover their identity and achieve their goals. Karyn is a Christchurch-based parenting specialist, life coach, author of the forthcoming book “How to Keep the YOU in Mum”, inspirational speaker, contributing writer and mother of two. For more information, see www.rileylife.co.nz.

Ten ways to take better photos of your child

Since kids grow up so fast, now is the time to pick up your camera and capture all the special moments – both big and small – of their childhood. By following some of these tips and tricks, you can enhance your photographs and turn precious memories into lifelong keepsakes.

1.    Get low
You are much taller than your child and tend to shoot from a bird’s-eye view. However, the best shots of children are taken at their eye level, so get low to the ground to take your pictures, and you’ll find you get a fresh perspective.

2.    Focus on the eyes
Most good photographs of people and animals have one thing in common: the eyes are in focus. In most cases, unless the goal is abstract or candid shots, if the child’s eyes are not in focus, the picture will not be as strong or captivating. Make sure to always focus the camera on your child’s eyes.

3.    Let them be themselves
When you take a picture of your child, you want to catch their spirit and personality in the image. Although there will be times when you will want your child to pose, the best way to capture their essence in a photograph is to let them be themselves. Many of my favourite images are when you capture your child in the midst of their favourite activities. Try to fade into the background so they forget you’re there, and they can just be themselves.

4.    Show them the pictures on the camera
If you show your kids their picture on the back of the camera as you are taking them, they’ll be involved in the process and their interest will be piqued. This is a great way to get kids comfortable in front of the camera.

5.    Avoid harsh lighting
This tip is true for shooting almost any picture with a digital camera. It is always best to have your kids completely in the shade or fully in the sun. If there is a mix of lighting, it is very difficult to get a good photo of them.
As you can see in this image, with bright sunlit areas and shadows in the frame, the camera has a tough time trying to figure out which part of the image should be bright and which should be dark.

6.    Try fill flash
If you want to try something a little more advanced, try using your flash even during your daylight shooting. The light from the flash will help you brighten the shadows under their eyes and nose, and give you a well-lit image.

7.    Get close
Many people make the mistake of taking every image of their child from head to toe. By getting close and focusing on just a portion of your child, you will capture a more dramatic image.

8.    Watch your background
Be aware of the background of your picture to make sure that it is not too distracting or overpowering. You want the viewer of the picture to focus on your child and not the background. For example, here is a nice picture of the little boy, except for the unsightly garbage can in the background.

9.    Try different angles
Most people take pictures of their kids when they are facing each other, but there are times when other angles could make nice memories. Try taking pictures of your child from behind or from the side.

10.    Limit their movement
For younger kids, put them in a swing or other play area to contain their movement. For example, if your two-year old is in a swing, their movement is predictable (back and forth). You can better position yourself in front of them and shoot pictures of their reactions, without chasing them all over the place. Much better for your photography and certainly fun for them.

One last bonus tip for you: If you get frustrated while trying to take your best pictures, your child will sense that frustration and it will be difficult to get them to relax and smile. Relax and have fun when you are taking the pictures – remember you’ll have these moments for a lifetime!

By Jeff Cable, director of marketing, Lexar Media

Pre-teen skincare

We are all aware of the age old adage “prevention is better than cure”, and this could not be truer than when it comes to skin health. 

Educating your children about the importance and simplicity of skin care will help them maintain healthy skin into the often challenging teenage years when self confidence can easily be shaken.

The myths and marketing hype that surround the causes and treatments of skin concerns can be confusing and disheartening. This article looks at the changes that occur during puberty and outlines practical steps you can take to help your child establish habits that will encourage a healthy and glowing skin.

What happens in the skin during pre-teen years?
It’s ironic and unfortunate that just as teens get to a point in their lives when appearance becomes a major part of their identity, skin concerns such as acne start to surface.

When a child reaches puberty, there is a sudden increase in the production of the hormones testosterone and oestrogen, which surge through the bloodstream. These hormones stimulate the sebaceous (oil secreting) glands to become highly active.

Sebaceous glands are found in great numbers in the forehead, the nose, the cheeks, and the chin. When the glands go into overdrive, these areas of the face become shiny and oily as the sebum being produced comes to the surface through the skin’s pores.

Teenagers may also find that the texture of their skin changes: in adolescent boys especially, it can become coarser. And because of the sensitivity of the sebaceous glands to male hormones, teenage boys are especially prone to severe acne.

Teenage girls are less susceptible to acne during puberty. This is partly due to the effects of the female hormone oestrogen, which reduces the amount of sebum that is produced. However, during ovulation and just before or during menstruation, girls may find that their skin becomes oilier and prone to spots due to the drop in female hormones at this time.

So what practical steps can be taken?

1)    Skincare and personal hygiene

Encourage your child to wash their face twice a day, using a gentle cleanser. It is important to use a cleanser that is not too harsh. The skin has a protective barrier that is slightly acidic and relies on a certain amount of oil and “good” bacteria. Using an alkaline cleanser or soap, although making the face feel squeaky clean, can actually destroy good bacteria, strip the skin of natural oil, disrupt the PH of the skin and increase loss of water, leaving the skin’s natural barrier compromised and open to infection.

Hair care products such as shampoo, conditioner, hair spray and hair gel often contain plastics that can block pores and trigger the process that leads to breakouts. Scalp, hair line and chin break outs are good indications that hair products are a contributing factor. Chin breakouts are common with those who touch their hair then touch their chin. Always cleanse right up to the hairline, and style hair off the face whenever possible.

To keep bacteria that may cause pores to become clogged or inflamed at bay, it is important to avoid touching the face with the fingers or leaning on objects that collect sebum and skin residue such as the telephone. For the same reason change pillow slips and face cloths regularly.

Tip: Make your child’s skincare routine is as important as brushing their teeth!

It is a good idea to visit a trained beauty therapist to get advice on the most appropriate product for your child’s skin, and if there are specific concerns, advice from a dermatologist may be necessary. Most skincare clinics offer a free consultation or charge a small fee that is often redeemable on product.

2)    Sun protection

Approximately 60 to 80 per cent of exposure to the sun takes place before the age of 18. This is because children tend to spend more time outside than adults. The more you are exposed to the sun before the age of 18, the greater your likelihood of developing skin cancer in the future. When choosing a sunscreen, find a formula designed with a physical blocker such as titanium oxide or zinc oxide in the ingredients. These are less likely to cause irritation. Use a broad-spectrum sunscreen – one that protects against both UVA and UVB rays – with an SPF of 15 or higher.

Tip:  Buy your children their own sunscreen with their name on it so they take ownership. Educate them about why sunscreen is so important and they may teach their friends a thing or two.

3)    Diet and lifestyle

Although there is no evidence that any particular food worsens spots or acne, a healthy diet can improve the overall appearance and condition of the skin. Encourage your children to avoid foods high in sugar and salt as they may feed the breeding ground for acne by accelerating oil production and over stimulating the oil glands.

Tip: Fruit and veges are good on the skin, as well as for food. An avocado mixed with a few drops of almond oil makes a hydrating and nourishing face mask. Add cucumber slices for the eyes and you have an at-home spa activity!

4)    Machines and medications

There are many tools available for the treatment of more serious skin concerns, from lotions to lasers and light. For stubborn cases, an oral or topical acne medication may be needed. There is certainly a place for these treatments but ensure you and your child are well educated on how they work and the possible side effects. 

By Rachel Fitzgerald, beauty therapist and advanced skincare educator

More Kiwi families learning Maori

In many New Zealand homes parents are beginning to speak to their children in both English and Maori in an attempt to raise a more culturally aware and a naturally bilingual youth. Interested in learning more Maori? Here are some hints and tips to refresh, reinforce and begin learning Maori around the home.

Label it
I decided to start learning Maori when I first went to meet my partner’s family. Being greeted at his mother’s front door with a "Kia Ora! Kei te p?hea koe?" left me at a bit of a loss. My understanding of the Maori language started and ended with Kia Ora. It took an uneasy smile and a red flush across my face for his mother to ask how I was in English. From that moment on I decided it was time for me to learn more about New Zealand and Maori.

To begin my brand new language lease on life my partner bought fluorescent pink post its and began labelling everything in our house. He wrote everything out as neatly as possible, first in Maori then phonetically. If you’re not lucky enough to have a fluent Maori speaker and writer in your home check out Maori language sites for translations, spellings and pronunciations of common Maori words. These visual connections with words helped me a great deal in remembering words. Children and adults alike can use this technique to help with memorising new words.

To begin with I still spoke English throughout the house, just with the occasional Maori noun thrown in. After a few weeks I began double checking less, and eventually I stopped checking the post its all together.

Language zones
Creating Maori zones of the house is a good way to begin conversation building and proficiency. As I had learnt mostly kiihini (kitchen) related words during this time we decided that the kitchen would be our first Maori only zone. I then began learning basic phrases such as "can you pass the…" ("homai te..") and "put away the.." ("whakahokia…") "are you hungry?" ("E mate kai ana koe?") and so on. The aim was to learn 10 new Maori words a week and at least two new phrases. Within a matter of weeks I was confident in my control of kitchen Maori, and also nagging in Maori.

Maori media
A good way of picking up new phrases and grammar practices is to listen to, read and watch Maori language media. The more you surround yourself with Maori the more a part of life it will become. Even something as simple as changing your Google page to Maori can help. Also, young children are more likely to pick up new things the more they are confronted with them. Try reading aloud in Maori to your children and do small fun tests on the vocabulary.

Ask for help
Never be ashamed to test out your newly learned Maori words and phrases on more seasoned Maori speakers. Most will be supportive and happy to help you in your learning endeavours. They can even offer helpful advice on pronunciation or more colloquial phrases. Being public about learning Maori can be most useful when in a classroom environment. Taking up a part-time language course in Maori will help you along enormously and help you meet new friends in the same situation.

Get interested
The best way to begin learning Maori is to talk about things that interest you or things you talk about on a regular basis. Fun things such as singing songs in Maori can spark your interest more than boring drills.

Using these helpful hints you too could be on your way to learning the beautiful, soulful, metaphorical Te Reo Maori and showing your support for Kiwi heritage.

Article courtesy of NZS, www.nzs.com.

Child’s play – the greatest education

We all know that kids love to play, but many of us would be astounded if we knew how much they learn at the same time.

In fact, play is a child’s work – even if they don’t know it. Two children spinning around and around on the front lawn may just be trying to make themselves dizzy, but none-the-less they are exploring spatial relationships, honing motor capabilities, practicing social skills and language, creatively thinking, gathering information about the world through their senses, or, to put it simply – learning through  play.

As children grow into adults, they are conditioned to think of learning as work, rather than discovery. But through the eyes of a child, play – and thus learning – is all about exploring new dimensions.

Today, prioritising play is considered by many to be essential, vital, critical, and even fundamental to a child’s social, emotional, physical and intellectual development. Without it, children run the risk of being unprepared for school years.

Many early childhood learning centres in New Zealand incorporate the learning through play philosophy; however it’s also something that you can encourage at home.

Play itself is recreation, amusement, or fun. It’s what children do naturally in early childhood. For young children, there is no distinction between play and learning; they are one and the same.

Not all play is the same though. Most experts agree that children’s play can be divided into these categories:

•    Active play: running, jumping, climbing, riding, and other use of large muscles.

•    Quiet play: reading, colouring, etc.

•    Cooperative or social play: games and activities that involve more than one.

•    Solitary play: drawing, dreaming, or any activity that involves only one.

•    Manipulative play: putting together puzzles, building with blocks, cutting and pasting, or any activity that involves eye-hand coordination or fine motor skills.

•    Creative play: painting, moulding, solving problems, making music, telling stories, or any activity that involves a child’s imagination.

•    Dramatic play: dress-up, make-believe, or any play that involves pretending.

Play is play to kids, but it’s important for parents to know the different kinds of play so they can encourage and provide opportunities for children to participate in them all.
What can you do?

•    Create safe play environments and toys; lobby for clean, safe outdoor play spaces for all children.

•    Focus on the learning that happens through play; use play as the means to teach and foster development.

•    Provide a wide variety of play experiences and materials through which young kids can try new things, experiment, ask questions, talk, read, sing, dance, get messy at times, explore, and listen.

•    Fuel creativity, curiosity, and the desire to know more.

•    Allow time for free play in which children are choosing and directing play, balanced with structured play.

•    Monitor play and step in with an idea if a conflict arises, offer a new prop when enthusiasm wanes, or redirect play as needed. 

•    Offer opportunities to play safely outdoors as well as indoors.

•    Most importantly, value play! Notice and comment on children’s healthy play to show that you recognise the importance and meaning of play in their lives.