Birth Order

The power of birth order – is anecdotal evidence true?

For the last century or so there has been a debate raging amongst psychologists about the power of birth order.

Anecdotally it’s widely accepted that first-borns tend to be more responsible, serious and organised. They are subject to high expectations and, as a result, are pleasers.

Middle children are said to be more relaxed and diplomatic. They often keep the peace amongst older and younger siblings but can feel squeezed out of a position of significance and accordingly develop characteristics that help them negotiate, and sometimes manipulate, their place in the family environment.

The youngest, or baby of the family are said to be the rebels and risk-takers. They are generally creative, charming, playful and humorous. Youngest children are said to have wonderful social skills because of their interactions with older siblings.

But let’s take a look at the power of birth order from a scientific point of view.

Alfred Adler (1870-1937), an Austrian psychiatrist, was one of the first theorists to suggest that birth order influences personality. He believed that birth order can leave an indelible impression on the individual’s style of life, incorporating friendships, love and career.

More recently Michael Grose, a well-known Australian writer and speaker on parenting and family matters, has said birth-order theory is all about understanding your place in your family and its impact on your life. “It will influence your level of achievement at school. It will help determine the job you choose and even how long you work. It will help determine the spouse you choose,” he says.

New research undertaken by scientists at the University of Oslo tends to back this up. Using the IQ tests taken from the military records of 241,310 Norwegian conscripts, the scientists have found that eldest siblings are, on average, significantly more intelligent than secondborns. The second child, in turn, is in turn more intelligent than the third and so on.

In an article in London’s Independent, Steve Connor reports; “In an attempt to explain why older children seem to have higher IQs than subsequent siblings, psychologists talk about the “resource dilution model” – the finite amount of money, personal attention and cultural stimuli, such as books, that parents can draw on to raise their children. Firstborns have the initial advantage of having some of their early life without having to compete with later-borns.

“Another important factor in being the firstborn is that the eldest sibling is more likely to undertake the unpaid role of private tutor to his or her younger siblings. Many psychologists believe that this opportunity to tutor younger children improves the oldest child’s verbal and cognitive skills. They learn by teaching, and this pays them dividends in later life – making them into leaders rather than followers.”

There appear to be physical differences as well. Studies in the Philippines show that later-born siblings tend to be shorter and weigh less than earlier-borns.

Eldest siblings are also disproportionally represented in high-paying professions. Younger siblings, by contrast are often less educated and less strapping, but statistically likelier to live the exhilarating life of an artist, comedian, entrepreneur or adventurer.

After perusing a number of commercially published books* here’s a look at what impact your birth-order may have on you:

Firstborns

More conscientious, ambitions and aggressive than their younger siblings, firstborns are over-represented in disciplines requiring higher education such as medicine, engineering or law. They’re problem solvers, strong-willed, determined, good listeners, worry about new experiences, controlling, jealous and moralistic. There have been more first born US presidents and Nobel Prize winners than any other birth ranking.

Middle children

Middle children are more easygoing and peer-oriented. Because they mediate between siblings they tend to have excellent people skills. They are flexible and giving. They have lots of friends but they can also be manipulative. Many feel forced to assume roles that their older siblings for one reason or another are unable to fulfil and this may leave them with a chip on their shoulder.

Youngest children

Later-born children always have someone ahead of them to compete against. Their parents are more relaxed and less strict with the later born child who can be rebellious but are also pleasant, agreeable and easy going. They tend to be the most creative, unconventional and often feel like the ‘baby’, even when they are adults.

Only children

Only children have similar characteristics to firstborns and are frequently burdened with high parental expectations. They are more confident, articulate and likely to use their imagination than other children. They also expect a lot from others, hate criticism, can be inflexible and are often perfectionists.

Twins

Because they hold equal status in the family, twins tend to turn out similarly in most cases.

Dr Frank Sulloway, a behavioural scientist and author of Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics and Creative Lives, says firstborns are more similar in personality to firstborns in other families than they are to their own younger siblings and that youngest children are often more similar to the youngest child in another family than his or her own elder siblings. He says this is because the family is not as much a shared environment as a set of niches that provide siblings with different outlooks.

However Toni Falbo, professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas urges caution. “People read birth-order books the way they read horoscopes. ‘I’m a middle-born, so that explains everything in my life’ – it’s just not like that.”

In 1998 Judith Rich Harris, in review of the scientific literature, said that birth order effects may exist within the context of the family or origin, but that they are not enduring aspects of personality. “When people are with their parents and siblings, firstborns behave differently that laterborns, even during adulthood. However, most people don’t spend their adult lives in their childhood home.” Harris concludes that birth order effects keep turning up because people keep looking for them, and keep analysing and reanalysing their data until they find them.

Ultimately, the birth-order debate will never be entirely settled. In practice, systematic birth order research is a challenge because it is difficult to control for all of the variables that are statistically related to birth order. Family size, and a number of social and demographic variables are associated with birth order and serve as potential confounds. For example, large families are generally lower in socio-economic status than small families. This means that third born children are not only third in birth order, but they are also more likely to come from larger, poorer families than firstborn children. If thirdborns have a particular trait, it may be due to birth order, or it may be due to family size, or to any number of other variables. Spacing of children, parenting style, and gender are additional variables to consider. In conclusion, Frank F Furstenberg, University of Pennsylvania sociology professor said, “It is well understood now that variation within families is enormous in (terms of) outcomes. The family isn’t a little printing press that copies and reproduces all children in one form.”

Things for parents to consider

From sociologist Dalton Conley’s book

“The Pecking Order: Which Siblings Succeed and Why”:

• Opposite-sex children usually experience the “same” family very differently, with different life outcomes.
• Researchers say parents tend to give sons more independence, assign them fewer chores and criticise them less.
• Fathers tend to spend more time with sons.
• Sons and daughters of working mothers tend to have more-equal incomes as adults. Sons out-earn daughters by US$4,500 per year, on average, if their mother was employed in their formative years, and by US$8,000 when their mother was not employed. (At-home mothers may offset this by exposing their daughters to other role models).
• Birth order has no effect in families of only two children. It matters in larger families – mostly because time and money are spread thin. Who suffers? The middle children. The “baby” of a very large family usually does well.
• Children within the same family may experience divorce very differently. The impact is often less severe on older kids who have already moved out – but most severe on the oldest child at home, who may fall into a caretaker role. (Note: In abusive marriages, younger children may benefit most from the split because they have more time to recover.)

Resources: *Born to Rebel, by Frank Sulloway. Understanding Human Nature, by A Adle. The intellectual achievement of only children, Journal of Biosocial Science, by DF Polit & T Falbo. The Pecking Order: Which Siblings Succeed and Why, by Dalton Conley. Why Firstborns Rule the World and Lastborns want to Change it, by Michael Grose.

Mum, I’m bored!

By Dr. Noel Swanson

“Mum, I’m bored!” How many times have you heard that from your kids?

And what happens when you hear it? Do you feel pangs of guilt and a sense of obligation that somehow you are failing as a parent if you cannot keep your children entertained?

These days it seems that boredom has become almost a crime against humanity. Adults and children alike frantically rush around seeking some kind of stimulation to stave off the dreaded B word.

Yet, increasingly, we turn to passive forms of entertainment to achieve that – TV and video games being chief among them.

The result? A whole bunch of kids who are fat and unfit, and at risk of diabetes and other health problems as they grow up.

Is that what you want for your kids?

So what should you do when your children are “bored”?

It seems to me that you have two options:

One, you can try to keep them entertained. Or two, you tell them to entertain themselves.

Now, which of these you choose will depend on your basic philosophy of parenting: is it your job to give your children everything they want and ask for, as to fail to do that would be tantamount to deprivation and neglect (after all, why shouldn’t they have the benefits of all that you can provide for them?)

Or is it your job to train them to become self-confident, independent individuals who are able to succeed in a complex and constantly changing modern society?

If you believe the former, then please, go ahead and indulge them their every whim. Why not? They are your precious darlings after all, and you want to give them every advantage that you never had when you were a kid.

The world needs adults who are focused on short-term gratification, people who are driven by their passions rather than their principles and decisions. Why? Because these are the people that will be our work force. Constantly spending their money on the latest gadgets and fads, they are constantly in need of funding, and so always in need of a job. The world couldn’t run without people like that.

But the world also needs leaders. People who can think independently, who can create and add value to the world. Be they inventors, designers, statesmen, artists, authors, entrepreneurs, these are the people who are prepared to think long term, putting off immediate gratification for a more distant, but much bigger benefit.

The workers make the wheels go around, and we couldn’t do without them. But the leaders design the wheels, and the engines to power them, and the artwork to make them more beautiful. And they reap their reward in proportion to the value they bring to society.

So, which group do you want your children to join?

Please, don’t get me wrong. I am not saying one group is better than the other – we need both. But what I am saying is that the choices that you make as a parent will influence your children’s future. And none so clearly than in how you handle the boredom issue.

You see, if you provide them with passive entertainment, they get an immediate buzz. But when the program ends, the buzz ends. And a big vacuum opens up. Boredom. It is like addiction to a drug. Desperately they need another fix of entertainment – and they will do no end of whining or other mischief to get you to provide it for them.

But what if you don’t provide it for them? A vacuum does seek to fill itself. At first they will do all they can to get another fix. They will mope around. They will whine. They will cry and tell you you’re the meanest parent in town. They will remind you that their friend at school, Billy, has three DVD players, five games consoles, a three-metre TV screen, and gets to drink beer too, so why should they be deprived? You will feel terrible, and will be sorely tempted to ease their suffering – after all, just another hour on the TV won’t hurt them, will it?

Just like one cigarette for your colleague who is three days into abstinence won’t hurt him either?

Don’t do it! All they will learn is that:

A. If they make enough fuss they can get you to give in.

B. The world does owe them a living.

C. Why work towards something, when you can get it the easy way?

This is the kind of thinking that leads to people being in debt and dependent on the welfare state.

Gradually, as they realise that you are not playing that game anymore, they will start to look around to find other ways to fill the void. After about two or three weeks, they will have discovered books (remember what they were?), and maybe drawing, painting, writing poetry, sewing, football, running, canoeing and karate, as well.

Another month or two and they will wonder how they ever had time to be bored!

Now, instead of getting their daily fix of passive pleasure, they are developing their creativity and their initiative.

They are taking charge of their own entertainment and, as a result, are learning to take responsibility for their own lives.

And that is the kind of thinking that leads to success.

The word on swearing

By Dr John Waring

Recently a school principal introduced a so called "zero tolerance" policy at his school banning swearing. Immediately he ran into problems that perhaps parents should also consider. Firstly he had definition problems: what words would be included on the banned list? The list quickly grew and was eventually abandoned.

He then had difficulty with deciding in what context swearing should be banned. For example, if someone is accidentally hurt and lets out a swear word, should they be punished as harshly as a child who swears at another child or indeed at a teacher? The school, in my opinion, came up with a sensible policy that was to punish swearing that was directed at an individual for the purpose of abusing or harassing that individual. After all, that appears to be the most offensive aspect of swearing, the aggression that accompanies the words when they are directed towards an individual.

The vast majority of adults if honest would admit to swearing – which makes it ironic that many parents seem to believe that their child learnt to swear at preschool or school but never at home. The fact that dad swears when he hits his thumb with the hammer or his footy team is being beaten, or that mum swears when things go wrong for her couldn’t possibly be copied by their children.

Swearing is becoming much more tolerated. For example, there was a time on television when the word bum would cause a flood of complaints. Now that car advertisement that mentions the word bugger repeatedly is tolerated and laughed at by many people.

However, as parents we need to educate our children about swearing. They need to know that there may be a time and place where swearing is appropriate, but never in an abusive harassing manner of another person.

If your young child has started to swear, ignore the word as much as possible, quietly tell them that "we don’t use that word in our family". Try to play down the impact of the word. Being shocked and over-reacting to your child’s swearing will simply increase the power of the word for the child who may then learn to swear for effect.

A speech pathologist colleague of mine told me about a child with autism who only had one word. But if you had to choose one word that could be a verb, a noun and an adjective, one word that could get everyone’s attention in the supermarket when yelled at 100 decibels he had chosen a beauty! Maybe he just learnt it at school?

I’m not eating that!

Psychologist Laughton King shows us how to get older children to eat their dinner without any negative comments.

Recently I had occasion to work with two grandparents who, by chance, were the active “parents” to a 12 year old lad. They were experiencing considerable difficulty with his behaviour, and in particular the way he conducted himself at meal times. It seems that whatever food they presented to him, it was somehow not good enough.

They told me that, on Monday night, having been served up sausages and chips, he took one look at the meal, screwed up his nose and said, “Yeauch, you don’t expect me to eat that rubbish do you?” The same thing happened Tuesday night, and it was evidently much the same story each evening of the week. The grandmother presented the meal, and he would respond in a predictably negative and highly offensive way.

This went on day after day with the same ugly style of response to the perfectly good food that was put in front of him. The grandparents were becoming more and more frustrated with his style, and indeed more and more angry with the behaviour that he was prepared to present. Personally I was amazed at the patience they had with him – especially as they had done their parenting thing with the previous generation and now their own “golden years” were being sabotaged by an interloper.

We discussed the issue for a while, I asked them if they had a pet dog at home, and we came up with a strategic plan. They left the office holding hands and grinning as they walked to their car.

That night, while the grandmother served up the dinner, the grandfather carefully placed the dog-bowl beside the dining-room table. She first brought out the grandfather’s meal, then the lad’s meal (on a plastic plate), which she placed in front of him.

Predictably, the lad immediately made some negative remark about the meal. Without saying a word the grandmother picked up his plate, and in one quick movement, emptied the contents neatly into the dog-bowl on the floor. The boy was stunned, the dog was ecstatic, and the grandparents were silent. They continued to eat their meal as if nothing had happened.

The lad eventually stood up, mumbling something about “Weetbix” and being hungry but the grandfather promptly sat him right down again, asserting that he would sit there until they had finished their meal – at which stage he could simply go to bed. Nobody said a word about the event that had just taken place. (Very important point!)

The next night when the boy came to the table, he would have noted the dog-bowl on the floor, and his meal on a plastic plate, but he could not help himself, and blurted out; “Peas! You know I hate peas! I’m not eating that stuff!”

Again the grandmother acted swiftly and silently. The good plate-load of food dropped cleanly into the dog-bowl and the dog did his thing on cue. On his grandfather’s instruction the lad sat until the end of the meal, then went to bed.

On the third night when the boy came to the dinner table, the dog was already there, tail wagging expectantly beside his own bowl on the floor. The plastic plate of food awaited its fate, and the grandmother was primed for action.

Sitting in my office a week later, both grandparents were giggling helplessly as they related their perception of the look on the boy’s face that night. Apparently he took the situation in, looked up at his granddad, then quietly and systematically ate his meal.

Nobody ever made any reference to what had happened at that meal table. It never became a topic of discussion – but there sure is potential for story-telling at his twenty-first birthday party.

Apparently about one month later some of the old grizzles re-appeared, but the re-emergence of the dog-bowl and plastic dinner plate quickly achieved the desired response.

In this situation we didn’t get into a war of words with the child, and we didn’t get into any one-to-one counselling. Rather we strategically changed the actions of the adults, in such a manner as the child took useful control of his own behaviour, and what the grandparents wanted was achieved.

They didn’t change him – they changed themselves and took charge of the situation, leaving him to make his own changes. Very effective! (The dog only needed minor de-briefing and grief-counselling for his role in the programme.)

By way of further example, a new-to-the-game step-parent recently shared that the seven year old she inherited in the relationship would only eat with his fingers, defiantly making a total mess of his meal and himself. What to do?

On the principle of “with, not against” she asked him to eat three peas, one piece of carrot and one piece of potato with his fork – then he could freely eat the rest of his meal with his hands.

He did – for two days – then, on the third day, completely of his own will, he abandoned the finger-thing altogether and ate with his fork; his decision.

Gifted children

Gifted and talented kids … looking beyond the myths  By Viv Milsom

There are many myths about gifted education both here and overseas, so it is not surprising that parents are often confused about what is meant by the term “gifted”. For example, in New Zealand it has been popular to claim that all kids are gifted, when in fact what people really mean is that all kids have strengths in one way or another. So what does the term “gifted” actually mean? Quite simply, gifted kids are those who can perform at a level significantly beyond other kids of the same age.

Translating this into numbers, about one in 10 children is likely to be mildly gifted, about one in 20 moderately gifted, and about one in 100 will fall into the highly gifted category.

But being gifted isn’t just about numbers. Gifted kids come in all shapes and sizes and this means they may be gifted in different ways, in different areas and at different times. In general though, we know that the more highly gifted a child is, the more likely they are to be multi-talented. So the top performing academic kid is also likely to be a gifted musician, artist or athlete.

Another myth about gifted education is that gifted kids tend to be “nerds” or “geeks” – social misfits who wear glasses and do not play sport. Again this is generally a long way from reality. Most gifted kids are in fact happy, popular and socially well-adjusted.

Having said this, though, it is true that gifted kids are generally more emotionally sensitive than many of their peers and this can lead to various problems for them. For example, gifted kids can easily feel hurt by a friend’s apparent unkindness or they can feel overly anxious about sitting tests or exams. Many of them also tend to be perfectionists which means they can put great pressure on themselves to perform at the very highest level possible.

Another problem, especially for highly gifted kids is that it can be difficult to find mates, for the simple reason that there just aren’t many other kids out there who think like them or who have the same interests. It is important then for these kids to be given opportunities to find “buddies” either from other age groups within their school, or from other schools or outside organisations.

So what can you as parents do to best support your gifted child? Firstly, if you are not sure whether or not your child is gifted, do not be afraid to ask the school to check it out for you. There are a number of tests and identification processes out there which schools can access, if they have not already done so.

Secondly, if your child is gifted, make sure that his or her teachers know this. These days most teachers have at least some understanding of giftedness, and all schools are now obliged to be offer gifted education programmes for their gifted students. These will vary greatly and can include special withdrawal groups, various competitions and forums, one-on-one mentoring and coaching, whole class acceleration and individual grade-skipping. There is no “one size fits all” answer in gifted education, so try to work with your child and the school to find the best “fit” for him or her.

Out-of-school activities can also offer all sorts of opportunities for gifted kids from music lessons to creative writing classes to visits to the zoo or museum. By offering them rich and varied opportunities and experiences, you will be giving your gifted child a chance to find their particular interests or passions.

But remember, too, to give your gifted child plenty of “down” time. Gifted kids need more time on their own to reflect and dream than most other kids. They are often avid readers, so join your local library and let them go regularly.

Finally, it’s helpful to set clear guidelines and fair limits within the family. A parenting style which is either too authoritarian or too permissive is not what gifted kids need. Rather they will thrive best when family relationships allow for the independence and dignity of all family members. For more information about giftedness and gifted education in New Zealand, you may want to check out the following website:

www.tki.org.nz/e/community/gifted/

Viv Milsom holds a Masters in Gifted Education from Flinders University in Australia and has over 10 years experience working as a gifted education specialist in New Zealand schools.

Foods that Fight Fat

Some foods can help melt kilos. While exercise and a variety of wholesome foods will help you lose weight, listed below are a variety of foods that will speed you on your way.

Foods such as raw spinach contain bulk. Therefore, the space they leave in your stomach, partly because of their high water content, leaves less room for pastries and ice cream. Spinach is also packed with iron, calcium and vitamins A and C.

Grapefruits are not magic, but they are powerful fat fighters due to their fibre content. In addition, without added sugar, a grapefruit has fewer calories than an orange of the same weight.

Apples keep the doctors – and fat – away. Hard fruits like apples take time to chew and fill you up.

Celery has very few calories and the benefits of calcium, iron and vitamins A and C. High in fibre, it’s a diet food that fills you up and should be on everyone’s plate.

Protein-packed legumes such as black beans, chickpeas and lentils are not just low in fat and rich in soluble fibre, they digest slowly and keep blood sugar levels steady. You will not feel like eating for a while.

The omega-3 in fatty fish such as salmon and mackerel can curb overeating.

Strawberries, peaches, plums, and grapes also come with cancer-fighting carotenoids and appetite-suppressing fibre. Eating these types of fruits daily will help keep you healthy.

Above are just some examples of foods that help you burn fat. Disciplining yourself to eat a proper diet and taking on the right exercise programme will help you reach your ideal weight in no time.

Does divorce damage your kids?

10 Tips for Survival  by Dr. Noel Swanson

Above all, get yourself sorted out. Heal from the wounds, learn from the past, and be an example to your children of how to overcome a bad situation and turn it to good.

Divorce is a sad fact of life. It is not a new phenomenon – parents have been getting divorced since the day that marriage was invented; and even before that couples would unite… and part.

Whichever way you look at it, divorce means that something went wrong. Two people who, for all the right or wrong reasons, had pledged themselves to stick together to provide a secure family base for their children, are now splitting up. It didn’t work out the way it was supposed to.

That is always sad.

No one wants to get divorced. But if, for whatever reason, divorce has happened, or is going to happen, then let’s at least limit the fallout as much as we can.

So, for the sake of the children, here are some tips on how to minimise the impact on the kids:

1. Don’t get divorced! The best situation for children is to live with both parents in a loving and caring home, preferably with loving and caring relatives nearby.

If your relationship is struggling, for whatever reason, be honest about it and seek some help – either for yourself, or jointly as a couple. Do whatever it takes to re-kindle the love you once had.

Note: This does NOT mean you should put up with an abusive relationship just to “stay together for the children”. Ongoing violence, drug abuse, acrimony, etc are NOT good for children. If you really need to get out, then get out.

2. If you must separate, be grown-up about it. Do your level best to separate amicably. Avoid lengthy court battles and custody disputes. Why? They cost you a bunch of money, drag down your emotions, preventing you from moving on with life, and always end up with the children picking up the bad vibes and feeling very insecure.

3. Even if the other person is “evil”, do NOT engage in a hate campaign against them. That is the parent of your child you are talking about. Again, be grown-up and honest with your children. Answer their questions as honestly and dispassionately as you can, reassuring them that you are not planning to leave too (that is a very common fear).

4. At the same time, do not defend the other parent if he/she proves to be constantly unreliable – not turning up for visits when promised, failing to send cards and presents, etc. Your child will be deeply disappointed, hurt, perplexed, and will believe (s)he must have done something wrong. Make it quite clear that it is NOT your child’s fault that you separated.

5. However badly hurt or angry you might be, encourage your children to keep in contact (visits, phone calls, letters) with the other parent for as long as it is a positive experience for them. They need that. However much you might despise your ex, do not poison your child’s relationship with him/her.

6. Do NOT use your children as a messenger between two immature adults who cannot even find a way to talk civilly to each other.

7. If the other parent really is harmful or abusive to the children, then do everything in your power to protect them. But make sure this is not just your own pain, guilt or jealousy speaking!

8. Joint custody, in which the child spends three days a week in one home and four days in the other almost never works. If the other parent really is in a better position (emotionally, financially, whatever) to look after the kids, then, for their sake, permit it! Remember you should look after the parenting in your house and leave your ex to look after the parenting in his/her house.

9. Be sensitive about introducing new boyfriends/girlfriends into the home. Children will harbour, for a long time, a fantasy that their parents will get back together.

10. Above all, get yourself sorted out. Heal from the wounds, learn from the past, and be an example to your children of how to overcome a bad situation and turn it to good.

Will your children suffer from your divorce? It all depends on how you handle it. But if you can maintain a calm adult relationship with your ex, so that you can talk sensibly about visiting times, school progress, etc, even if you can’t live together, then your children can do very well.

Families and obesity

By Bob McCoskrie – National Director – Family First

A recent survey published in the NZ Medical Journal shows that, while children are not eating enough bread, fruit and vegetables, they are eating plenty of chips, muesli bars and sugar based drinks.

The blame game continues – from McDonalds to school tuck shops to TV advertising – and is costing lots of money! $70 million was recently given by the government to persuade school kids that those pies and drinks are going to kill them, and to fund ‘food police’ who will inspect lunchboxes of primary aged children.

Should we blame parents? According to US research from the Boston University School of Medicine, children of authoritarian parents are six times more likely to be overweight than the children of parents who mix freedom with clear rules. The reasoning was that brow-beaten children turn to comfort eating as a means of escape. But the research also found that children of neglectful and permissive mothers were twice as likely to get fat.

Should we blame breast-feeding mothers? A longitudinal study of parents and children, supported by the UK Medical Research Council, found that bottle-fed babies who start eating solids early were more likely to become obese children. The researchers believe that breast-fed babies are good at regulating their milk intake in relation to their needs. But mothers who bottle feed may be anxious for their baby to finish the bottle and when they start a baby early on solids – before six months – they may not reduce the amount of bottle feed they also give.

Perhaps we could blame TV. University of Otago research published last year confirms that television viewing in childhood and adolescence is a significant predictor of being overweight. The lead researcher said: "The strength of the association we found with TV viewing was greater than that commonly found for the effects of nutritional intake and physical activity.”

But wait, there’s more.

An Auckland University of Technology researcher told us a year ago that children who stay up late may be packing on extra kilos because they get hungry and head to the kitchen on the way to bed. Kids who slept for less than 9.5 hours on week nights were twice as likely to be obese as those who slept at least 11 hours.
Dr Robyn Toomath, from Fight the Obesity Epidemic said the link may be that the late bed-goers were watching television, "not that they are staying up late or hanging around the kitchen. TV is full of ads to eat food and we know that when you watch all those ads you eat food and studies show you eat the food that’s being advertised."

And what about working mothers? The Joint Centre for Poverty Research (University of Chicago) released a working paper, Maternal Employment and Overweight Children, suggesting that mothers who work more hours per week are more likely than mothers who do not work, or who work fewer hours, to have overweight children.

But surely poverty has something to do with it? Families struggle to afford foods like vegetables, fruit and healthy breads. Pies, fizzy drinks and big packets of chips are only $1 each. Far better value!

And that is probably why Waikato District Health Board’s "Project Energize" found that kids were more than twice as likely to be obese at the age of 10 if they attended schools in the poorest three income deciles – than if they went to schools in the richest three deciles. Two out of every five 10-year-olds in the poorest schools were overweight. In the richest schools, only about one in every 20 was obese.

Then the Auckland City Council transport Chairman said that local government had a lot to answer for by planning “obesogenic environments” (fat cities), with few parks and recreational facilities – busy roads and narrow footpaths. Australian research shows a link between city planning and obesity.

English research from the University College London found that modern parent’s hands-on style may be doing their children’s health no favours as well. It highlighted the falling numbers of children in the United Kingdom walking to school – a major issue in NZ too.

Phew! Plenty of blame; what about a solution?

Perhaps Jennifer O’Dea who is senior lecturer in nutrition and health education at the University of Sydney sums it up best in her article last year in Nutrition and Dietetics. She says: “Recent research suggests that parents are still considered by children and adolescents to be the gatekeepers of the family food supply and that parents act as important role models for children’s eating behaviours.”

She is right. There are plenty of contributing factors to obesity. There are plenty of possible solutions including bans, special taxes, legislation, and advertising campaigns.

But the ultimate way to promote healthy eating (and exercise and sleep patterns) is surely via parents. If parents believe in the benefits of healthy food, and are prepared to overcome factors such as cost, time in preparation, pressure from children, and lack of convenience, we will start to see progress.

Parental authority, and example, will be the best place to start towards a solution.

Do we need private Schools?

By Deborah James, executive director, Independent Schools of New Zealand

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states that parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.

Most people would agree that it would not be good for our country to have one national supermarket chain, one national clothing chain, one national automobile company. Equally, it would be highly undesirable to have one education system. Monopolies produce poor quality and the education system is no different.

To improve our education system, parents need the freedom and choice to select the school that best meets the needs of their children. Choice in education lifts the bar and raises the standard across the education sector.

The Independent Schools of New Zealand (ISNZ) is the umbrella organisation for a group of 43 independent (private) schools. These schools educate about 80% of students in the independent or private sector. Approximately 4% (31,000) of school-age children are educated in the private sector. There are approximately another 60 schools educating children in the independent school system. State-integrated schools are not independent/private schools.

ISNZ member schools range from pre-school to Year 13. Independent schools that belong to ISNZ have a strong history of single-sex education, either as schools, or classes within schools, although many boys’ schools have become co-educational over the past two or three decades. ISNZ member schools also have a strong history of boarding schools where the boarders are at the heart of the school – that is, they are not provided with hostel accommodation that is set apart from their education.

ISNZ fully endorses a robust state school system, but realistically not every local school is going to suit every local child. No matter how good we make the state school system, it is not going to fit every school child academically, socially and culturally.

Schools perform better when families are there by choice. With families wanting to be part of a school community, there is a much more productive and effective partnership between the family and the school in the education of children.

We believe that independent/private schools provide learning environments that motivate children, which offer individualised attention, that emphasise the holistic education of children. Independent/private schools have strong pastoral care programmes in place that make for a highly supportive environment. Actively engaged parents and valued alumni associations make for a strong school community.

Independent schools support the national curriculum but also provide diversity in offering alternatives to NCEA, such as Cambridge International Examinations (CIE) and International Baccalaureate (IB) programmes. Independent schools have the freedom to lead the way with innovative approaches in education. Through such innovation, independent schools contribute to the improved education of students in other schools.

A focus for election year will be lobbying for increased government funding to private schools, making them more accessible to parents wanting to exercise their right to choose the education that best suits their child.

Visit the Independent Schools of New Zealand (ISNZ) website on www.isnz.org.nz for a full list of the ISNZ member schools in New Zealand

Transition time

Preparing for life’s next step

Life has many milestones that nudge, and sometimes propel us, in new directions whilst building our knowledge and lifeskills. As we get older many people can look back on life and recognise events that changed the direction of their lives.

Positive milestones challenge us so that we grow. They extend us so that we begin to see the extraordinary potential each one of us has.

For children, school is an enormous influence in their lives. It helps to shape them and encourage them to be all they can be, so it’s essential to ensure our children’s transitions from pre-school to school, primary to intermediate and year eight to high school are as smooth and positive as possible.

For young children it is their introduction to education, and a solid foundation needs to be built. For pre-teens and young adolescents it is their progression through the education system to intermediate and high school.

Studies reveal that many of these older children experience a decline in grades (Barone, Aguirre-Deandreis & Trickett, 1991). And during these transition times, many view themselves more negatively and experience an increased reliance on their peer group (Hertzog et al., 1996). This is not surprising as these transitions require young students to re-establish a sense of their identity in a more mature and demanding environment.

Many studies into these transition periods have been done, specifically in New Zealand and internationally. In response, schools have implemented programmes to ease these transitions for students. But how can we as parents assist these transitions for our children? Let’s start at the beginning:

Starting School

Your pre-schooler will have a wide range of feelings about starting school. School can be both exciting and something to look forward to as well as daunting. Some children are ready to set off on the adventure of starting school with barely a backward glance, while others may cry or cling onto a parent’s legs every day until Easter break.

Like most of us, what scares pre-schoolers, is the unknown. It’s good to begin talking to your pre-schooler about school and the kind of things they can expect to learn. Some ways to bring this conversation into everyday activities are:

• Visit a museum or art gallery and talk about the wonders of history, science and art
• Have your child count items you place in your shopping trolley
• Get your child to count your change when you buy something from the dairy
• Have dinner at an ethnic restaurant and talk about different cultures
• Read and discuss books with your child

Before your child starts school, also give him or her an idea about the kind of daily routine they will encounter. Arrange to visit the school and classroom with your child and, if possible, meet her teacher. This will help her become comfortable in her new environment while you are with her. It is a good idea to arrange a play date with another child from her class as well, so that she knows someone in her class when she starts and will be more comfortable.

As school gets closer, get into an appropriate bedtime, wake time routine and encourage your child to begin getting things ready such as a school uniform, back pack, lunch box, etc.

When you drop your child off for his first day, remember to say goodbye and that you will see them at the end of the school day. It is important to gently reassure your child that you will be there to pick him up.

Finally, your child will pick up on your emotional cues so exude an air of confidence and your child will too.

Starting Intermediate School

The transition to intermediate is a big step on your child’s road to maturity. Nancy Brown, Ph.D., says it may be one of the toughest transitions during childhood for both parents and kids.

“Some families glide through unperturbed, but for others this is a rough road that will smooth out as everyone adjusts to the new expectations and rules,” she says.

“The most important thing to remember during this period is to not cut your child loose quite yet – they are not ready for the independence we give teens, and they need you to help them with this transition.”

When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to intermediate school concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos 2002). How they find the right classroom, meeting a new and probably larger group of peers and wondering if they would be exposed to teasing or bullying.

So what are the differences they will face? The academic workload does get harder there is more homework and more long-term projects to organise. There is usually less teacher-initiated contact with parents and your child may feel competition for grades, success in sports and popularity.

On top of all this your child may be dealing with the onset of puberty.

Here’s how you can help:

· Accompany your child on orientations offered to parents and incoming students – the better you understand the layout and logistics of the school, the more you can assist your child

· Get a map of the school so your child can become acquainted with where things are

· Take along a couple of your child’s friends on an orientation visit so they can boost each others memory

· Check out the school’s website with your child

Social Fears

This is a stage of your child’s life when he will begin to rely more on peers and begin to pull away from parents. Being part of a group is very important and being perceived as different can be devastating to them. How you can help:

• Encourage your child to join sports teams, clubs or other extra-curricular activities
• Arrange social activities with other students who will be starting at the school before school starts for the year
• Encourage your child to join group conversations and help them understand how to contribute to a conversation in progress
• Talk about traits that make a good friend
• Talk about social skills
• Discuss how words and actions can affect other people
• Remind your child to make eye contact when speaking or listening

Academic Concerns

Studies show it is quite common for students’ academic performance to initially drop as they adjust to their new school, but if your child is still struggling after a couple of months you will need to assist by:

· Meeting with the teacher to discuss your concerns

· Help your child to manage their time. Perhaps draw up a schedule for homework time, after school activities, free time etc.

· Avoid overreacting to test results, but stay connected and encourage your child to work independently

· Encourage your child to discuss problems and solutions directly with her teachers but be ready to step in if necessary

All in all, parents need to keep a positive attitude about intermediate school and continue to remind children that teachers want them to be successful and will help, but that increased effort is needed on their part.

Starting High School

Young adolescents entering high school look forward to having more choices and making new and more friends. However, they are also concerned about being teased or picked on by older students, having harder work and getting lost in a larger, unfamiliar school.

Students know that what happens in high school really counts. They are entering the years where they can begin to focus their efforts in particular courses and begin working towards tertiary goals. However, initially, some students do show a decline in their grades as they settle into their new environment. As with those entering intermediate school, if the decline in grades continues for more than a month or two you will need to take action – see tips in the previous section of this article.

Young teens naturally want to be more independent and are pulling away from parents at this stage in their lives, but the importance of parents being involved in their student’s transition from intermediate to high school shouldn’t be underestimated. When parents are involved in their children’s transition to high school and their school experiences, students have higher achievement (Linver & Silverberg, 1997; Paulson, 1994), are better adjusted (Hartos & Power, 1997) and are less likely to drop out of school (Horn & West, 1992).

So how can parents stay involved during this transition? The key points are very similar to those discussed in the Starting Intermediate section. However you will need to adjust your approach to meet the age and maturity of your child. Additional things to remember are:

• Reassure your teenager that it is normal to feel unsure at first and that most others will be feeling the same way
• Give your teenager as much independence as you can within sensible limits
• Encourage your teen to keep in touch with old friends who may be going to different schools
• Help them achieve a balance between a good homework routine, sporting activities etc, and relaxation time with family and friends
• Encourage your teen to join in extracurricular activities and make new friends
• Be patient with your teen who is more than likely going to be more irritable for the first few weeks

Remember, your high school child will obviously be facing school system changes, social changes and an increased work load both at school and with homework. If your child is stressed they will usually show this by:

• Being irritable and short tempered
• Being disagreeable or not wanting to talk
• Changing behaviours such as silliness or rebelling
• Stomach pains, headaches or not wanting to go to school

If these symptoms persist beyond the first few weeks of school, parents should speak to their school and try to address the source of stress to their teenager. The good news is that most students do adapt very well and learn to appreciate their new found independence and the opportunities that high school has to offer.

Finally, once your teenager has settled into high school, remember to remain interested in their school life and keep the lines of communication open. Your teenager will soon be entering the years 11 to 13 when they can choose which subjects they want to study and they will need your help to decide which subjects to take and how to plan for the qualifications they will need when they leave school.

ENDS PLUS PIX